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Like walking on a shattered glass, bleeding and crying and begging for everything to stop. As if everything is overwhelming yet none of is has meaning.
A thirst for acceptance, a
lifetime drought of self love.
How can we make it work, exactly ? shielding your mind from your own monstrous and destructive thoughts. Covering inches and inches of skin, until your body does not feel like home anymore. Your own image makes you uncomfortable until you’re pounded down to a corner of the room, lost in a hell of your own making.
Your own reflection haunting you in dreams you can never wake up from.
You can cry, scream, pray until your brain only knows how to do those. But no one is coming to help. A loop that keeps playing like a record player, an unpleasant sound ringing to your ears and your distorted reflection aggressively pounding on your mind.
Making your body an enemy, days without food, hours without water. Brain deprived of growth and thoughts, just to feel at peace.
You’re sculpted so perfectly but your mind focus on one flaw – and just like that you forget you’re one of God’s great creations.
Honfleur Gallery, 2015
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others. Signs of Body Dysmorphic Disorder incudes worrying a lot about a specific area of your body (particularly your face), spending a lot of time comparing your looks with other people's, looking at yourself in mirrors a lot or avoid mirrors altogether, go to a lot of effort to conceal flaws – for example, by spending a long time combing your hair, applying make-up or choosing clothes or pick at your skin to make it "smooth". People of any age can have BDD, but it is most common in teenagers.
You’ve made it here. Thank you, for taking a while of your precious time to see this exhibition. I hope that you get a glimpse of the jumbled-up emotions one would have because of body dysmorphia. I’ve carefully put words by words to recreate a wreck of thoughts. Behind faces and bodies drawn, are streams of hallucinations and an endless struggle to escape one’s own destructive mind.
I wish you a path that’s paved for greatness and happiness. If you are struggling, know that there is always help available. A brighter path is not searched for, it’s made. Pave your own path, a path into the light. You will exhale a breath of genuine relief, your soul at immortal peace, and your brain possessing a hopeful mind. Wish you luck!
SPECIAL THANKS
Kiara Qinthara
Dyah Reyhaniadiva S.
Saskia Nurfadhilah Kusnadi
Fahri Santosa
